Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2005.12.27  23.35 Wow. Today. I went out this morning with the intention of mailing a package and depositing money at the bank. Generally, I go to the bank before anywhere else when I have a number of places to go, but today I saved it to last because the backstreet boys were on the radio and I didn't want to miss them in all their pop glory. Yes, the nineties at noon treated me well today; I also heard the mr. jones song by the counting crows and all star. It was perfect driving weather this morning-sunny and warm. I had the sunroof open and my window down. As a result, I was quite windswept when I finally reached my destination: the post office. I waited in line for a while and watched an old man come in just to get an envelope and another old man asking his old woman wife if her blood sugar was low. I was pleasantly suprised that my package only cost five thirty to send. The post office is right next to Salvation Army so I decided to venture into that amazing land of all things baragain. I wandered about for a bit and watched this group of probably fifteen year olds who were roaming around and obviously had nothing better to do than be obnoxious. I left with some cute shoes that I saw for cheaper at a real store but it's the Salvation Army so I don't care if I give them my money, some pants to run in and some pin stripe, Banana Republic pants. Hot. Then off to the bank. The next few hours at home were financial grossness. I messed up my checkbook and it took forever to figure out where I mad the mistake, ordered books from amazon, figured how much of my spring tuition bill I have to pay and worried about my Kirksville account. I really do hate dealing with money stuff; it causes me such stress. After all that was done, I laid around feeling gross and buzzy and ate dinner while reading Middlemarch. Hurray for George Eliot; I like it. I also read some in 'The Poetry of Pablo Neruda' that I bought two days ago ( I also bought a bag for my guitar and some running shoes, fyi). Hurray for Pablo; I like it a lot. A lot. I played guitar for a while and then nothing really happened until Jorge came and picked me up. We drove down to the lake in the crazy thick fog and watched some random stuff on his laptop. We really do do the most random things. After sitting there for a while, we continued to drive until stopping at some houses that were in the middle of being constructed. Feeling like criminals and brandishing our cell phones, we roamed around the houses; mainly just one that was huge and had the upstairs and basement all partitioned out. Of course, Jorge took this opportunity to start talking about serial criminals, much to my annoyance. It was actually pretty fun, wandering around so many wooden posts, their shadows moving with the light, the lake barely visible through the thick fog that crept into the muddy, board covered, future yard. We were out on the patio when Jorge decided that we should build a board bridge to get to the lot next door and get back to the jeep from there and I said okay. So we had three boards and made a moving walkway that worked marvelously and made us feel pretty hardcore. Getting to the cement haven of the next house we realized that there was no way we were going to get back to the street if we couldn't scale a ten foot wall, so we decided to be extra amazing and employ our board bridge method to climb the way up between the two houses. It worked really well and we only got muddy from touching the globs of it stuck to the bottom of the boards (read: we didn't fall. not even once! and it was slippery). Needless to say, we felt like the coolest people ever and continued to feel this way driving through the mud and standing water on the way out of the construction area. Because that's what jeeps are for. Jorge being Jorge, we went straight to the carwash to clean the holy of holies. Then we went to McDonalds where I ate an icecream cone (why do they not have chocolate icecream? seriously, Ronald, get with the program), he ate chicken strips and we watched Ben Folds on the laptop. And that was my night. I'm going to bed now because I'm going to run tomorrow morning. Setting my alarm and everything.

	2005.12.24  22.05 eve Today has been interesting in an off-kilter, playfully fun way. Waking up this morning, however, I was extremely perturbed. Laura and I switched rooms so now I have the one closer to the living room. For some reason, I have been sleeping really lightly lately and get grouchy when I wake up before I wanted to. This morning was about the third morning this happened and I was pissed. To stave off this unpleasantness I decided to go to Meijer because driving always calms me down and I needed some stuff for these three horrid busted-open canker sores in my mouth that make it hard to smile and eat without wincing. So off I went. As I was pulling out of the driveway that song that has 'I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive' in it was playing and right at that part I looked up and there was a V of geese going right by. Somebody call the Twilight Zone. On this little outing I looked pretty ridiculous because I all I did was put on snap pants over my pajama pants, put on a sweatshirt and stab my hair up in pins. Happily, I found some Orajel miracle that numbs the oral buggers and went home. Around eleven thirty I made the salad for our lunch. To save time and hassle, we have our big meal at lunch on Christmas eve. I was standing there just oggling at how much food we had. Talk about being blessed. After lunch grandpa and I went back to Meijer to get some batteries, breath right strips and distilled water. We listened to opera on the way there even though we both said that we wern't particularly fond of it. I can't wait until I'm old and am delighted at the simplest things. As we were walking up to the store, he was marvelinig at the facade. We must have looked quite the odd pair; he was wearing a black beret and a members only jacket and I had my spiky hair and nerdy shirt. Good times with gpa. I introduced him to IcyHot and we had a battle of wills with the water jug filler. I really love him. We went to church at five. Laura was a litergist so we sat near the front. Looking down the pew of my family, I laughed at the fact that every one of us wears glasses. It just looks funny. When we were singing, I was thinking about how church is such an important part of my life. When I was little, my favorite church service was Carols and Candles at Christmas time. I loved standing in the huge sanctuary with the stained glass windows, singing to the organ with everyone else there. Now, it grounds me and I always feel better after going. Yay. I'm off to read Middlemarch.

	2005.12.21  02.06 Hello friends. Here I am at home, doing nothing but breathing, digesting and listening to David Bowie. I know I haven’t written in a while so here’s the lowdown on the past two weeks. If every week were finals week, I would be a very happy person. I had so much more time to sleep and hang out with people than normal I didn’t know what to do with myself. I did the expected amount of studying and then spent the rest of my time either packing away my crap, cleaning my room or chazilling with Nina. I had my Caves final on Monday. It went about the way I expected it to; she always has obscure stuff on there that we only talked about for barely a second on one day. I’m guaranteed a B in that class. Lit final was also that on Monday. Because it was Professor Mohler and because that woman gives ridiculously easy tests, I was out of there in fifteen minutes. French final on Wednesday was the same way super easy and short. Art on Friday also was no surprise. The main focus of the week was actually moving to Ryle. Nina and I moved some of our stuff over there on Wednesday and then the rest of it on Friday when the girls who were there were checked out. Needless to say, we are very excited and glad to have moved. Our room is……huge! It’s on the end in the little indent in the hall and it is way bigger than either of our previous rooms. Claire and Chad helped up move our stuff over and change the beds. All Friday night we were unpacking our stuff and arranging. The girls who lived there were grossly dirty so we had to swiffer the place forever before it was close to being non-disgusting. After much business we decided to sleep so we both climbed into our respective beds and then proceeded to talk and giggle like we were at summer camp. Seeing that clearly no sleeping was going to be done, we played rummy on her bed.. In the morning we went to Pancake City with Claire and Chad. Chocolate chip pancakes hold a very special place in my heart so it was a delightful breakfast. Over the week, I got closer to Claire and spent some substantial time with Claire. I am very glad that I know both of these people because they are very cute, funny, and make me laugh. Actually, I got a lot closer to a lot of people this week thanks to the excess time and exam treats.. I am completely all about drinking coffee at eleven at night and seeing people that you don’t normally see at that time. It mixes things up. I’m getting a headache so I’m going to go do something that’s not this. Not that you really need to know this. I’ll be back, don’t fret. Here I am again! It’s the next day, Tuesday! Let’s see, where was I in my epic? I don’t really feel like relating all the boring stuff in the past so I’ll just talk about today. I awoke to Chris banging on my window. This was prearranged and thus not alarming. We ate breakfast and then drove to St. Louis with the grandparents to the art museum. It was a good time and I felt oh so learned with all my art history knowledge from this semester. I’ve decided that Mondrian is my new boyfriend with Judd being my lover on the side. It was a delightful trip and I have thoughts on it that I am too fatigued to record here. Instead I will skip to tonight. I went to Chris’ house and watched I <3 Huckabees and crocheted. In the middle of this excursion, Jorge called me from John Beck’s house, wanting me to come over so I did after the movie was over. We watched the family guy movie and then talked about college as the dvd icon bounced around the screen. It was really interesting to hear about how their universities are and how different they are from Truman. The Citadel sounds utterly horrible, but that’s me and not Jorge so that’s not a problem. I guess the whole thing made me very happy and blessed to be where I am and to love it as much as I do. Thank You God for putting me right where I need to be. I’m off to write some pent up poetry. Tomorrow should be fun and interesting.

	2005.12.09  18.04 BECAUSE I AM PROCRASTINATING!! 10 Firsts: First Best Friend(s): Amanda Griffith First Screen Name: heh. loveapple19 First Kiss: Harry Watermeier. under a lamp post. First Pet: two black labs, missy and luthien First Piercing: ears when i was eleven First Crush: Matt Miller First CD: Jewel, Pieces of You First Car: still waiting for this one First love:impossible to say First stuffed animal: Teddy! I still love him. 9 Lasts: Last Song listened to: Help! Last drink: water Last Car Ride: with Nina back from church, listening to rocking French musique. Last Kiss: Sam VanGeison Last Movie Seen: Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy, please marry me. Last Phone Call: Rachel Steudel Last CD Played: Lion King soundtrack Last bubble bath: don't take them. Last time you cried: the second night here when i had a dream that Jorge died. 8 Have You Evers: Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends?: no Have You Ever Been Arrested?: no Have You Ever Skinny Dipped?: sadly, no Have You Ever Been on TV?: yes! i was at the museum and they showed me! Have You Ever Kissed Someone of the Opposite Sex? obviously, if i had a first one. Have You Ever Kissed Someone and Then Regretted it?: no Have You Ever had a Dream About Someone You Knew?: cha Have You Ever played in the middle of a hurricane?: no, i am still in posession of my sanity thanks. 7 career paths you’ve considered: 1. marine biologist (like everyone else) 2. a scuba diver (i thought that this was a job) 3. iceskater 4. chef 5. cooking show host 6. 7. 6 Things You’ve Done Today: 1. shredded a bunch of paper 2. considered stealing the ssn of the people these people were about 3. hung three pictures 4. ate macaroni 5. drank grapefruit juice 6. been very happy 5 favorite things in no order: (things, not people) 1. books 2. driving 3. thermals, scarves and undershirts 4. swimming with a bunch of little kids who think it's fun to drown you 5. the disc furnace 4 People You Can Tell Anything to in NO order: 1. Jesus. word. 2. my Samdog. 3. Laura Collee 4. Olivia Gorski 3 Choices: 1. White or black: black 2. Hot or Cold: hot 3. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 2 Things You Want to Do Before you die: 1. learn how to surf 2. go to Africa 1 thing you regret: 1. being a pansy on many occasions

	2005.12.04  22.34 a laughter filled weekend. It's true-I haven't stopped laughing pretty much this entire weekend. Saturday I went to the rec as usual and ate lunch with Nina. While walking there we discussed steps in regards to past, present and future steps and in regards to time. It was humerous and anyone who would have had the opportunity to see us would be very perplexed I'm sure. After that we hung out, did homework and somehow managed to do one set of flashcards in an hour and a half. Dinner with Chris and then I wasted time until he was out of his movie and we went to Leisure World with Alex to skate. Ah, what a delightful place! I saw mullets in varying stages and heard as much rap as I could ever care to at once. I am happy to say that I only fell once. Chris decided to take my meaningless threat of crashing him into the fall seriously and we smashed into each other. It brought back skiing memories, oh yes it did. After skating we went to Walmart where I bought toilet paper and hair things. The rest of the night was spent in Nina's room. She decided that we needed a photo shoot which produced some pretty funny and disturbing pictures. Bed around two thirty. We went to church this morning and ate lunch with Ally. Oh! Before lunch Nina and I played each other in reversi and chess in the ryle computer lab. I was totally beating her in reversi and we were having difficulty not busting up laughing. In chess, the game wouldn't let me move into a place where I would get taken. That was also very fun. We went to the library and shoved art into my skull for a while and read for lit. Left and continued to do the same. I called Sam tonight and we discussed various things and then I called Bobby back from a few nights ago. He always makes me laugh, especially the way he always calls me Katharyn Reed, not just Katharyn. Oh! I called Jorge yesterday, he's not mad at me, just really busy. So yay! I need more girl friends. Why do I always have more guy friends than girl friends? Well I guess the strength of the friendships is inversely related to the number I have (not to sound overbearingly ridiculous). Although I have a lot of guy friends, the only ones I have really really good, year round relationships with are Chirs, Jorge and Bobby. With girls, though, I have a lot stronger relationships with. Yes, Sam, that dangling with was just for you. Because you are my best friend ever! Here's something that's been occupying my mind a lot lately. Whenever I see art I really like or pictures of other places, I get this weird ache in my chest like I'm supposed to do something or be there or something. Like someday I'm going to be someone completely different and doing things that I can't imagine doing right now. Not that I know how that will work out since I'm not exceptionally good at anything or stand out from any other normal person for any reason. But that's okay; I'm content not knowing and am glad that I dont have to worry because God will change me into who I'm supposed to be. Sweet. Cool. Music: french swing music

	2005.12.03  01.48 The first half of today was irksome due to the five hours I spent at work, two of which were spent in the bowels of Ophelia Parish organizing hideous, dusty shoes. I'm not fond of the five hour shift but it gets me hours. Of course, were I going to school in Illinois, I would be getting six fifty an hour rather than five thirty. Missouri is so cheap. Gripe gripe gripe. Siewert decided that he didn't want to do anything today so we didn't have French. While galavanting with the shoes, I decided to skip lit because I didn't read all of it and I really just didn't feel like going. So off I went with Giles to get a smoothie after which I didn't leave my bed for two hours, reading and napping. Had an interesting dinner with Chris, Jake, Ethan and Con K. I hadn't seen them for a while so it was nice. Not just because of them though. Watched arrested development and then got ready to go out. Rachel came and we left. They were good as expected. I ended up spacing out a lot which I always do when I'm listening to music like that that I like. Got to talk to Jerry Jones afterward; he is a great person all around. And now I'm in my bed once more, lamenting my lack of one of those air blowing keyboard cleaners. I realized how much I act like a snob sometimes; if not a snob, then someone who acts more confidant than she is. I get freaked out by even the thought of doing some things than most people would shrug off as simple. Talking to Sam today made me remember how terrified I was and am of talking to people who I see as older and way cooler than me. I put them on this pedestal of inapproachability and am intimidated by them from then on. Then when I'm around them I don't really know what to do so I just dont talkt to them which makes me seem like I think I'm too cool for them when it is really the other way around. Talk about irritating. I'm going to bed before I analyze myself further. Rollerskating promises fun tomorrow.

	2005.12.01  22.29 plaid pants Today has been...long; I can barely remember this morning. The combination of sunlight and snow makes me very cheerful. I woke up at the normal time, read and did my devo. Health was as invigorating as ever and I found Nina and Julie to eat lunch with. Cornbread pancakes?! Who would have believed it. Art is getting increasingly interesting. It seemed like she let us out way early but it was really just normal time. Work went by just as quickly. We don't really have anything to sew at the moment so I spent three point five hours making a stocking. The company was excellent. I talked to Seth and Chris about eyebrow maintenance and had a generally very good time. Seth went to Java Co and brought me back some ginger peach tea. That delectable drink definately deepened my delighted demeanor. So yeah, a little black and blue stocking with a silver cuff was my total output of the day. Tomorrow it will be a black and pink striped one! Get excited! Ate dinner with Josh, Claire and Alex. We discussed cute cake and a guy Josh was staring at. Ah yes. Claire and I walked to the dukkem or however you spell it for the poetry slam. Claire, being a senior, did not get the joy of handing over her liscence that I did. Yes, friends, I went to a bar. Gasp, I know. It was overall enjoyable although I wondered if the poets who were all pissed off about society and the government actually do anything about it other than write poetry about it. I met two nice girls whose names I've forgotten. To fend off kidnappers, I called my trusty best friend and told her about creepy guys at the rec and a general synopsis of my daily exploits. Good old Sam; she's always there when I need her. I'll be going back there tomorrow night to see grass withers so hooray. I'm also considering going to ato. It depends on how tired I am. I still have to take a shower tonight and read but I dont really want to do either and I'm already getting tired behind my eyes. No good, no good. I'll see you tomorrow.

	2005.11.30  23.29 what if What if people didn't have eyebrows? Wouldn't that be so weird? It would be a lot harder to gauge someone's reaction to things. Hooray for those trusty facial caterpillars. Today has been very typical except for the fact that everything French related went by a lot quicker than normal. Peer instruction was actually relatively helpful. I particularly enjoyed saying the gn sound repetitively. I'm saying it right now. Gn. In regular French class we had a worksheet over the subjunctive which I had pretty much forgot so it kept me entertained. Professor Mohler talked for twenty five minutes today about the Eastern Orthodox Church. It was fun watching the people in various stages of sleep. Swimming kind of sucked today. I overworked my legs or something at the rec on Tuesday so yeah. Blah. Leaking goggles are also a bother. I'm skipping the rec tomorrow to sleep. And I dont feel bad so ha. Wow, I'm lapsing into fragments. Dinner with Chris was also very typical; the usual issues with hearing correctly and weird food combinations that normally accompany our communal dining experiences ensued. CCF at seven was really good. I needed the Jesus time. Yay God. Wow. Knitting at nine. I finished my eternity scarf and happily handed it over. I taught two Japanese students how to knit; it was a fun time and they picked up really quickly. Now I'm just listening to a capella and lounging. I'll leave you with something that I've been thinking a lot about: If people's praise elates me and their blame depresses me, if I cannot exist under a misunderstanding without defending myself, if I like being served more than serving, being loved more than loving, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

	2005.11.28  23.41 blizzah today has been scioaldfnlk. yes, just like that. class this morning was boring and i kept zoning out and wishing i was in my room listening to phantom of the opera. i am really not a fan of rain which pretty much means i am not a fan of kirksville about half the time. swimming today was okay. owing to the lack of all excercise over break, i got tired faster. in the middle of my thousand, i was confronted with a pair of middle aged man legs at the end of my lane. it was jarring but temporary. the rest of the day passed quickly. at the hospital, i had my first pretty depressing visit. the woman i talked to, dorothy, needed an iv but none of the nurses could get it in and she was really suffering. i prayed with her and helped her make a phone call. i think meeting her gave me the 'i love all humanity' feeling that i had afterward at dinner with lindsey and rachel. they are so funny. i think the best part of the day was having lindsey kiss attack me in the snow. theo and i walked to op so i could study slides for my classes. on the way, it was snowing lighter so that you could only see it on the edges of your eyes. glitter rimmed sight. after that ridiculous studying business i went to nina's room and read with her in her bed. lovely. now im listening to a capella and getting tired. yawn yawn yawn.

	2005.11.27  08.32 brake Break has been what was expected: lots of family time and me continuously not studying. Here is a run down of all that this long weekend has consisted of. Yay dangling prepositions. Left Kirksville on Tuesday with Chris. We talked over the roar of the on-the-brink-of-explosion motor and stopped at Country Kitchen in Hannibal. This may seem a normal course of action, but this particular Country Kitchen is imbued with memories of previous trips. In keeping with tradition, we got the amazing appetizer plate a.k.a the most wonderful, body killing thing possible and some yummy potato soup. Had some good talks on the way home and got here about nine thirty. The rest of my night comprised of working on my knitting bag, going to Starbucks with Sarah, Megan and Kristen, and going to see Pride and Prejudice with Laura. It was really nice to see the girls again and hear about how their college lives are going. Laura was slightly disgruntled that she couldn't see Harry Potter but she was soon sucking into the delight that is Jane Austen. I loved the movie and fully plan on seeing it next time I come home at the cheap theatre. You should definately go see it if you are in a chick flick mood. Fo sho. Thursday morning we left for Bloomington and got to grandma's around ten. Lunch was at twelve thirty so we pretty much just hung around until then. Grandpa just got an iBook so Laura and I went and messed on that and showed him how to eject a CD. Funny story: For some reason, I had Like a Prayer stuck in my head all day and I was annoying mom by singing it continuously. We were in the kitchen and I was singing it so she said 'Sounds like Katie wants to do the prayer today' and grandpa heard and thought I had something prepared. I tried to say I didn't but to no avail. So I did the prayer, which was fine no big deal, but it was just unexpected. I gave mom lots of nasty looks. Ok, maybe that isn't funny but it was to me at the time. Sam came over and visited with us because she loves my grandparents and they love her. We played uno with dad and grandpa. We left around seven to drive to Chillicothe to visit other grandma. Ate some food when we got there and then pretty much just went to sleep. Family came on Friday at four and we ate. I don't know why, but I just don't do well mingling with that side of the family. I guess it could be because when I was younger I would always go off somewhere and read. So that was okay. That night we didn't do much of anything and I finished Harry Potter 5. Saturday morning we went to a thrift store and I got some pretty cool stuff. We went to a used book store too and the parentals got me some nice art books for Christmas; they look brand new. After lunch we left and are now back in Springfield. Went to Chris' house last night for a couple hours and pretty much hung out. Today I hope to finish my knitting bag and read some more. I know this is devoid of all semblance of anything actually interesting but I'm tired for the moment. Maybe I'll write all the stuff I've actually be thinking about in my notebook where no one will ever read it. Ha ha! I'm weird.

	2005.11.19  17.16 quietly Today has been wonderfully unproductive. Woke up around nine thiry and went to the rec center until eleven thirty. Watched part of Seventh Heaven while waiting for shower to free. Lunch, devo time and knitting in lounge of C-hall. That is absolutely all I've done today. Now, I'm writing in here, waiting to get hungry and listening to the postal service. They always remind me of Jorge. Oh! The thing about certain things reminding certain people of different things! I was talking to Steven and the kiss from a rose song always makes him think of his grandpa's funeral; it always reminds me of picking up my friend Ruby before school in junior high and of Batman. That's what I mean. Crazy. The prom last night was lots of fun. I may have zero dance skills but it makes me incredibly happy. For some reason, I was thinking about Scott a lot this afternoon. One time this summer, we were mowing the grass at the corral and we wanted to take this ancient riding lawn mower. It hadn't been turned on in years so when I put in into gear it shot back in to the gravel road and I almost hit something. We were completely suprised and amused. It was really fun. We may have had our differences, but he is a great friend and I sure do have fond memories with him. I was also mentally drifting in the shower today and landed on my horse this summer, Pistacio. Of course, she wasn't really mine, I just rode her everyday. Actually I thought about her two days ago while unwrapping saran-wrapped things. She had this really nasty cut that I would have to spray down, put some betadine on and then apply neosporinesque cream with saran wrap wrapped around my fingers. Anyway, near the end of camp, Scott and I decided to race from the corral to where we kept our horses. He was riding Bill, easily the fastest horse and a blast to ride, and I was on Pistacio, the butt of many of Scott's jokes. We decided to take the road because it is longer and then we didn't have to go through the creek, except the fields flanking it were plowed and had little green plants growing through. So Scott's in front of me when we start and we both kick it up. At first he pulls ahead but then Pistacio kicks it into some gear never before seen, like she finally realized what my kissing to her meant. So off we go, her ears pricked back to hear my voice, me finding her rhythm and matching it, my boots rubbing in the stirrups, flapping reins, Scott looking incredulously at us. And we caught up with the green ground steaming behind and the perfect blue sky streaching ahead. Yes, she got extra grass time that day.

	2005.11.18  19.12 cette semaine Yes. This week has been very unusual. It's been very stressful but very rewarding. Last night went to the motherland of Illnois and saw Harry Potter in Quincy. It was definately interesting to be at that theatre with the people I went with. It was the same theatre that I went to this summer with Jensen people. Instead of zany Joy and hairy Jesse Heaton, it was caffienated Chriscilla and talkative Mike. It brought back fun memories of yellow motorcycles, Fazolis and stuffing Scott's Taco Bell in my purse. The general movie going experience was generally normal with the extra infusion of barely pubescent girls gasping at Harry's bare chest. I do enjoy opening night shows. Today has been a mix of frantic and incredibly boring experiences. I had set my alarm for seven forty five as usual but didn't wake up until eight twenty five. This is a problem because of my eight thirty class. I decided that I wanted to sleep more than I wanted to learn about Islamic art so I went back to sleep. The next time I woke up was nine thirty, when I was supposed to start work. After pantsing and thermaling myself I went off to a very boring five hours of rolling fabric and repairing jewelery. Let me tell you, I was exceedingly happy to get out of there. Skipped French for a nap and then went to lit where Professor thought my ridicuous ghost squirrel interpretation of the text was brilliant. Had dinner with Nathan which was nice. I don't get to see him very much so it was nice to talk. Also, they had the delighful oreo fluff stuff and who doesn't like that. It was a smile filled meal. And now I'm here pondering on what to do until nine thirty. I could go to the CCF house and bake stuff for international students which I would really like to do but don't really want to walk there in the cold. I could also stay here and write a bunch more stuff which I have been thinking about. I could go for a walk but that wouldn't really be practical. I'm noticing that there's a hole in my pants I could mend. I could call up a random person and tell all my deepest, darkest secrets and hang up before saying who I am. Isn't it weird how incredibly multifaceted everyone is? There are so many little intricacies in everyone that the casual observer would never pick up on. Sometimes these intricacies mesh with the general character of the person, but often they are completely incongruous. I've been noticing this about myself a lot lately. Sometimes, I'm all about being completely alone with myself for hours, just reading and playing guitar. Other times, I go crazy without companionship. I love writing but think what I write is crappy at the same time. Hm, I can't really explain it, but thinking about it with regards to other people is crazy. Also, the fact that there are always undertones between people that everyone else is completely oblivious. Or between someone and a particular song or words. For me, the words 'you may enter' and 'recollect' instantly remind me of my sister. Big League Chew and 'so, how are you' will always me think of Sam. And everyone has these things, little triggers that take them somewhere else for a split second. Even really bizarre things that no one would even see sense in, like 'trying to act popcorn'. Laura and I know what this means but the normal person would have no idea. It's something that the kids at our babysitters when we were little used for someone who was trying to be cool. Ridiculous but true. People are so deep it's hard to think about. But if you don't, if you chalk it up as normal and therefore silly to pursue, you miss out on someone that will never ever happen again, never think or breath or smile after they are gone. And who wants to miss out on something that unique. Just a little sample of what I've been thinking about lately. Like one of those little Whitman's chocolate samplers with four little brown delights. A taste but definately not the whole billion calorie box. I'm off to CCF house and then to armory for dance party. Because I don't want Katie Rose to punch me in the face. (Sorry if some of this is disjointed/hard to follow. I'm listening to music and people have been stopping by.) Music: old valentines cd

	2005.11.17  01.33 jigga what Wow. This week has been intense. Five days at the library, time sucking annotated bib crap, nerve-racking conversations and the beat goes on. Although crazy, it has been a good week. I am proud of myself for two reasons. One: Monday and today I swam 1000 straight yards at the beginning of my work out. The first couple hundred are tiring but after that it's automatic. Yes, I am happy about that. Two: I was risky. I'm pretty outgoing most the the time but not always. And the beat goes on. After getting back from the library tonight, finished with my second art paper, I hung out with Nina. It was very nice to lay on her bed with a mug of tea on my chest, listening to grass withers and breathing. I also wrote a poem which brings the daily total to two. The other was in French while Siewert was going over reflexive pronouns like they were the most difficult things on the planet. I still have at least three to go, that I have ideas for. Blast the busy schedule. I also knitted some today. It was very relaxing. I guess I like the rhythm. Thinking about it, I actually started unconsciously dancing to someone's cell phone ring today. I caught myself and felt like a dork. Yes, a dance party is much overdue. The rest of the week looks to be equally intense as the first half. Tomorrow I have Lindsey and Rachel's dance recital at seven and then I'm leaving for Quincy around nine thirty to see Harry Potter with some girls from small group. Basically what that comes down to is I'm going to be a zombie on Friday. The Friday I might bake some stuff at the CCF house and I dont know what after that. Saturday will include knitting for the woman's center in the sub. It's 2-9, you should come! Then A Capella Fest! Yes I am so excited for that. I'm not sure who I'm going to go with. It is late and I'm going to bed.

	2005.11.14  00.46 today has been fun Funny story of the day: After spending 2.5 hours at the library and starting on reading for Wednesday, I trekked over to Dobson to visit Chris. Unexpectedly, he was sitting on the steps going up to the second floor. Upon inquiring about his odd placement in the building, I found out that he ate Hardees and now felt like throwing up. I suggested we go for a walk because cold air always help me when I feel gross. We did and he barfed by a tree. When I went to see how he was doing, he had some puke on and in his sandal. So off we went to the library so he could wash it off. I walked in front of his left side so no one would see the multi-colored pastel paste. It was very humorous and I was laughing a lot. That's just me though; I think barf is hilarious. This entire weekend has been very relaxing and very productive. I've discovered that if I go to the library, I get a lot done there and then I have more time to do fun stuff. Today I played guitar in Nathan's room. It was nice because I brought my picks from home so I didn't feel bad about sucking on them. It's a nice feeling have your finger tips hurt. I also did my devo time, which was great and went to the sub with Dobson folk. It was nice to have Erin and Con K come pick me up unexpectedly. All I was doing at the time was watching Home Alone and knit so it was a nice suprise. I got a grapefruit and a mocha-an interesting combination to say the least. Nina and I played rummy tonight and talked about various funny things. Let's just say that every other word had 'izzle' in it. Oh yes. I also felt special today that Roko invited me to eat Nepalese food that she cooked with some other people. I was at the library at the time, so I missed it but it is still nice to be invited. I finished my Caves to Cathedrals paper and now I just have to finish a few bibliography entries. They are monotonous and dull but not difficult. Nina and I are going to breakfast tomorrow at seven thirty so I am off. Hope all is well with you.

	2005.11.13  00.31 more pleasant things Nina Lane. For those of you who don't know her, this girl is great. She sacrifices things for God, which is amazingly obedient. I like the little bag of dried pinapple in her room that she keeps there for me. I like how I go into her room when she is gone to scan pictures, and she doesn't care. She is fun to make growly voices with. I am tres heureuse that we will be rooming together next year. Star Wars Pez. I went beserk today in Walmart when I saw the box set of Star Wars characters. Beserk as in people were staring at me funny. It was amazing. Yarn. It is useful for everything. When I was in about second or third grade I made a little box out of a cereal box to hold all my valentines in. The lid was tied on with yellow yarn. Nina and I went to Walmart today to buy yarn for scarves we are going to make for her. Mine is dark red with regular red woven in and hers is lime green with sparkly blue eyelash yarn. Rubik's Cube. Not just for little boys who go to computer camp. Today, I lay on my bed, listening to music with my foot up on the edge of Kelsey's bed and just did the first to levels of it. It was very relaxing. Books. Going home and seeing Orwell, Milton and Dickens next to each other on my overflowing bookshelf made me very happy. Steam. Yesterday while I was reading on the quad, my fingers played with the steam coming from my pink grapefruit green tea. The way it goes from being part of the liquid, to an ephemeral wisp to nothing is amazing if you think about it. Enigmatic people. Although aggrivating and sometimes impossible, these people provide a delightful challenge. Once you get to know them, you are that much happier that you made the effort. Dictionaries. Because there are so many words that I don't know. I keep on on the window sill so when I read it's right there to pull me out of vocabulary blundersville.

	2005.11.12  01.02 pleasant things Lately, I've been noticing that I've been thinking 'Hey, I really like that' a lot more than usual. Here, I will elaborate on some of theses. Scarves. I have six scarves here and I would definately have no problem buying many more. They are so usable even if it's not cold or even slightly chilly. There are multiple ways to wear them. You can use them to coordinate your outfit. They are comfy, not to meantion cozy. They are easy and fun to make. There is nothing bad about scarves. My little sister's emo haircut. It fits her well and when we were rocking out to Fall Out Boy in the movie theatre parking lot, it oh so fit. Fast fingers. Whenever someone is doing something with their fingers, I watched in a mesmerized daze. Guitar playing, factory workers who pick out defects, crocheting, typing and especially knitting I can't get enough of. Smelling yummy food. Wafting promise of a tasty delight. Thermals. This is a major love. I use them for over shirts, undershirts and regular shirts. They're plain so they are easy to accessorize. Lovely warmth. Outside. I have been inside so much lately, that I missed the wonderful trees, grass and clouds. I decided that I had had enough of deprivation today, so I laid out on the quad, reading Middlemarch. I found myself staring at the bare tree branches rather than the pages. Boys who like kids. While on the quad, there was a senior guy playing frisbee with a girl who looked about twelve. They were talking about sports. Later, I saw a guy walking with a little boy who was telling him about a class. Kids are where it's at and it's nice to see guys to give up some time to make one feel special. Lindsey and Rachel. I had a great weekend with these girls and I have so much fun with them whenever we are together. Laughing is amazing. Dogs. This week I have visited with Cam at the Wesley house and Pepper here. They are fun and a lovely reminder of good times. My new pen name. Ah yes, it is spectacular. My grandparents. I constantly find myself shaking my head with laughter at something my grandpa says. Today, he saw measuring himself against a statue of Harry Truman. They are so pleasant and worldly. They have much of my heart. Cradling a coffee cup with both hands. I feel cool. God. Seriously. Music: Saves the Day

	2005.11.08  23.36 bah! today has been a dramatic day. highlights include wimping out, taped iron chef and missing an appointment/wandering around everywhere imaginable except where i was supposed to be.

	2005.11.06  22.16 ce weekend - the fulfillment This weekend has be full of family excursions and a walk with Jorge. Dad picked me up around five on Friday and it was off to Springfield. Got home around eight and hung out with my mom and sister until Jorge called and said that he would be over in ten minutes. We went for a walk and talked about how things were going for us. Went running Saturday morning and got an amazing blister. When all you have to run in is chucks then that's to be expected. The grandparentals came around eleven and were happy to see me. The party commenced as usual: an amazing meal cooked my my culinarily inclined father, present opening with crazy fun grandpa and cake eating/coffee drinking. My family got this unusual idea from a magazine to decorate a fake cake made out of sponges and then have grandpa try to cut it. It worked delightfully, much laughter insued, and grandma and i got to scrape all the icing off. I can't say how much I really love my grandparents; they are so funny, interesting, smart and zany. I love it. They left around three because when you are old you don't like to drive in the dark, and mom and I went to Goodwill. Lo and behold, it was half price day and there was much rejoicing (yeaaa). I got a thermal shirt, a scarf, some pants and a fitted sheet. Looking through the coats, I found one from Saks Fifth Avenue. If I were a large man, I would have been all over that. Around eight, Laura and I left for Steak n Shake and the movie theatre. On the way, I took a wrong turn and ended up on the interstate. A call to the parentals got up back on track and we went to the theatre. We got there early so we had a dance party in the parking lot. I opened the driver's door and turned up the music, and we went at it. I played air guitar for her while she crooned to the passing cars. It was very humerous. We saw Chicken Little at eight fifty. It was pretty good, nothing spectacular but not a total waste of money. The rest of the weekend encompassed church, cleaning up my room and sleeping on the way back. Overall it was a very good time. I'm off to write!

	2005.11.05  23.53 ce weekend I have to get up earlyearly tomorrow morning to go to church but I want to definately write about this weekend because it has been delightful. Bug me and make me do it. Seriously.

	2005.10.16  21.38 midterm maddness Hi friends. Would you like to hear about my weekend? Good, I'm glad. It was great. The Slow and Dull Friday: Friday was weird because everyone was gone and I was still here. It was nice to have the room to myself but odd because of it. I got up late and accomplished pretty much everything that I had planned on. Did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned room and bathroom, did some homework. I would have done all of it hadn't my insatiable feeling of forboding come over me that tends to accompany my Caves to Cathedrals paper. I know it won't be that hard and isn't long at all, but I never ever want to work on it and feel crappy about not doing anything. Ridiculous. The best parts of the day consisted of me being unconscious. I took two naps: one on my sun-dappled bed listening to beautiful classical music and the other on the front lawn with Nina and Lizzie. Oh so relaxing. I left for Columbia with Chris, Erin and John around eight thirty. The Fun Friday: The rest of Friday was fun. Got to Mike's apartment about ten and had a good time with Sam and Mike for the rest of the night. Sam came up from Nashville to visit Michael and I came up to visit them, it worked out delightfully. We made cookies from the premade doughy sheets and ate them when they were done. We didn't really do a lot of anything but watch Labrynth and fall asleeep. It was nice to sleep with my best friend again under the Lion King comforter. The Eventful Saturday: Hurray for Saturday. It started off great with orange danish for breakfast. They are the most amazing breakfast food and Sam and Michael are genius' for getting them. There was a fiasco regarding the center roll which was humerous. It was still yummy, don't worry. After that we lazed around some more and then went downtown and wandered around after Chris came over. I found some amazing sushi playing cards that I didn't buy, but I should have. It was fun all around. We went to the wonderful and dearly missed Steak n Shake for lunch. Oh frisco melt, how deliscious you are. Sam and Michael got the caramel apple shakes. Sam's was a weird, runny fluke but it was still yummy. Post lunchtime, nous avons ete fatigue so we went back to the apartment and took naps. Streached out on the Lion King comforter in the sun with Sam and Michael on the couch above me was very comortable. It was a long nap too, a few hours I think. At least it felt like that. At four thirtyish we left for the movie theatre to see Corpse Bride. We got stuck in the game day traffic (ridiculous! football is okay but definately not that cool) and were a little late, but it was no big deal. The movie was short but really good. The rest of the night consisted to going to church, making tuna casserole and watching mst3k. The whole day was nice because I got to spend it with wonderful people. I really love seeing Sam and Michael and doing good old days stuff. Hooray for best friend! Relaxing Sunday (TODAY): Lots of lethargic activities have been taking place today like: sleeping late, eating an egg on a stool and liking apple butter, sitting in the car, sitting in other people's rooms, sitting in my room. But never fear! I did actually move some places today without assistance. Chris and I walked to a huge garage sale where we found some awesome finds and we went to see Flight Plan, which was good and the lady totally rocked. Yes, she did. Now I'm here and feeling fine but getting a little tired. Yup, I'm off to read and sleep. I know this is very much a 'this is what i did' post. I'm just too tired to include more subtle emotions at the momemt. Music: guster

	2005.10.11  23.06 commas Today has been a good day; not too hot, not too cold, not to energized, not too stagnant. Lunching and dining with my Dobson friends was lovely, as was small group. I got something off my back that I needed to, praise God. Now, I am feeling good. Tomorrow has nine things on the schedule, academic and otherwise. I am glad for today, I am glad for lots of things. Observations: - A girl in OP "'A Dream is a wish your heart makes'....makes me want to puke" - thoughts while seamripping: Man glorifies himself way too much. People talk about the genius of theatre or art or science, but it's not man that brought these things about. Man does act in these fields, but it's not man who invents them or can claim them as his own. People don't choose to be born; it's not out of their own independant choice that they come into this world. Squirming and wriggling, our infant brains arn't the workers of the will's that inhabit them. They develop in the areas that they were created and engineered to operate in. A painter shouldn't be aggrandized any more that the worker in a rice field; both are given ways to excel in their respective niches and simply act on what they have. Man has done nothing on his own. - frozen yogurt with the proper consistancy is delightful. Mood: satisfied Music: talking

	2005.10.10  21.08 resurecction Hi. It has been a long time since we've talked. Welcome back. I won't try to catch you up by relating the last months to you. Much to time consuming and dull. Rather, here is today. Waking up, I felt like a slug. Not gelatinous or slimy, just blobish. Falling asleep at ten fifteen and waking up eight was way too much sleep for me. Definately facilitated my dozing off in french. Not to handy being called on but what can you do. My chair was broken in lit, it kept making banging noises. I just bust up laughing typing that. Nothing else very exciting happened. I will not submit you to the mundane details of the rest of my day. Observations - a kid leaving a voice message 'hey tara, this is claydo' - my being the typical college cliche. wondering what to do with myself and questioning my faith. im not about to reject anything, i just have things i still don't understand. i welcome it. - going fourteen feet underwater makes your hair look pretty but makes your ears hurt - melty edges of a blizzard are depressing - slanted sunlight makes everything amazing - loetta is a very sweet lady - God makes clouds so beautiful, i wish i could look at them all day and night long Mood: good Music: jazz

	2005.07.09  14.54 this past week... ...has been great. The rides were easy and relaxing, the parents agreeable and the food excellent. The short week passed quickly and pleasantly. Yesterday was the best day of it all. The campers left early and the only work I really did was clean out feed cans with bleach while jamming to the oldies station. Laura reaffirmed her baptism, something great. God rocks socks. After that, most everyone decided they wanted in on some pond action too so they all jumped in fully clothed and went swimming. I had planned to skip that and go dump old feed but my plans were definately changed. Heitor and Jesse took Melissa in and I was silly not to run; they came after me and I didn't reach the golf cart in time. Previous to this, Joy and I had switched my shorts and her skit because she didn't want to swim in a skirt. When she saw that they were dead set on me swimming, she decided it was okay if it got wet and told them so, only validating their scheme. So in I went, poofy skirt and all, and felt like a jelly fish. I'm actually extremely glad they made me go swimming because it was a blast. Andrea tackled me off the dock with her lifeguard tube and Joy and I played mermaids and sang while floating, looking at the sky. It was an all around wonderful time, even if the pink skirt stuck to me like a barnacle and tried to drown me. We had our meeting and then cleaned up for Tastee Treet. Joy and I decided to partake in a beautification process so we left later than the others. She let me drive so she could put on her makeup in the car. It was an automatic so it was newish to me. We rocked out to techno all the way to Mt. Sterling and the natives looked at us funnily. We laughed. Tastee Treet was the same as every week except Heitor wrapped David up in some First Aid stuff I found in my purse and I put ketchup on his head. He got some weird looks for that one too. On the way back, we had to stop and air up one of Joy's tires and there was an incredibly creepy man staring at us by the dumpster. It was okay though because Jesse said he would protect us. He even wrote out a message on an etch a sketch. Ah chivalry. Upon returning to camp, Joy taught me how to play a song on my guitar. It was really peaceful, sitting there on the log while she sang along and I followed her. After that, we all went up to the house and played up and down with Bob and Momma Jo. That was also a great time. Smashed around a table, having fun with people you know you will be with for eternity is a great feeling. Our previous escapdes in the pond made Joy want to watch Little Mermaid so we did. Jesse and I ate animal crackers while Laura commented on the all to true horribly messages of the movie. We enjoyed it all the same. Bob and Jo went to bed so then we made a brief stop at the lodge and went to the pond where we sat on the swings in the dark for a while, talking. I looked at the clear stars through the trees. I had rolled up my pants so they wouldn't get dirty and this ignited a tantalizing discussion on Jesus making pants disappear on the way back to the lodge. After that, we just sat and talked some more and pelted eachother with marshmallows while npr played jazz. Joy and I went to sleep around two thirty and they were still fueding. The end. Mood: calm Music: ticking clock

	2005.07.04  15.44 some reading material for you i would like to say this: having a family thats sits around eating birthday cake while comparing and contrasting the dancing styles of gene kelly and fred astere is great. gma and gpa stayed the night last night and i greeted the entire family in the morning around eleven when i decided to exit my room after having done my Jesus time and read some of anna (sidenote: anna karenina is an amazing book and im on the brink of obsession with it. its about infidelity and topics along that line but it is not scaldelous at all. yes, its 736 pages long and written my tolstoy and has sentences that are entire paragraphs long but it is great. i highly recommend it. do it!) i ate some cheerios and then promptly began cooking for lunch. this time i decided on a delectible shrimp and bell pepper stir fry. it was tasty and actually looked like the picture in the book. someday i am seriously going to resurrect my childhood dreams and go to culinary school. post dejeuner, laura and mom opened presents-lots of chocolate from europe. good old world traveling grandparentals. the cake and coffee time. yum black coffee. mom got some rockin awesome acapella african music that we were bebopping to throughout this entire deal. my family is so weird and lovely. now we are off to see hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and head downtown for fireworks and the like. im off and you should be too. its a beautiful day God has given you so go enjoy it! Mood: rushed Music: relient k in lauras room

	2005.07.03  22.52 if you ever were a lady to begin with Well, today has been today. Nothing all that earth-shattering or influential, but charming in its own ways nonetheless. The morning consisted of church-going and harmon's-going. The fruits of these not-so-laborious-labors were cheerful smiles, Christian fellowship and potato salad. Also, French bread that i devoured for lunch and felt completely French while doing it. The afternoon's escapades included Lenscrafters, Cubs, Claire's and Goodwill. The plunders of these quests were, respectively, more contacts and melted glasses, no rub and honeydew, hot ears and metal posts, cute and cuter. After returning to home base, I took a nap, trying to alleviate my omnipresent headache. At five fifteen, we left the mother ship and headed to the New Salem state park. Met by the grandparents, we preceeded to picnic to our hearts' desire and then shoot mini marshmallows out of pvc pipes at eachother. Samdog, I wished you had been here for this. You would have had a blast. Post eating and pummeling, we saw Guys and Dolls Jr. at the Theatre in the Park. It was very good and a delightful time. Now I am home and off to surf new and grander waves of the Internet. Au revoir! Mood: headache Music: crickets